How To Fail Miserably At Golf And Still Have A Good Time
In my wilder moments I sometimes tell people that I play golf. They may well conjure up images in their heads of Jack Nicklaus and myself laughing together over the round we just played, but the truth is that actually you’ll probably find me crying in a patch of overgrown wilderness with my club wrapped firmly round a sycamore and a score card that looks more like a selection of lottery numbers. Jack Nicklaus, on the other hand, who has never heard of me, is the renowned world champion golfer, and is quite good at it. I bet he’s never had an encounter with a sycamore and a patch of thistles.
One of the things that Jack is well known for, besides his expertise at playing the game, is his expertise at designing courses as well. All across the world there are golf courses that have his name on them as the designer, and they’re popular not just because of his name, but because they are so well planned to provide a broad, challenging and exciting game of golf for both the professional and the amateur alike. I just discovered recently that there is one place in Spain where an amazing nine courses have been designed by him, and all located together. It’s one of those overseas property resorts, aimed primarily at golfers. With 162 tees to start from, that sounds like a few lost balls for me, and a wonderful experience for anyone who knows their four iron from their putter.
I have some neighbours that live near me, as neighbours tend to do, and they seem to live in Spain more than they do here. I can understand that – they always seem to come back happy and tanned, and it makes me wonder why I don’t do the same thing. When I look out of my window at rows of other houses all soaked with cold rain and bathed in grey gloom the idea of moving to a sunny resort like Spain does have its appeal, but then, it always seems to be other people that actually get on and do these sorts of things. For me though, what really caught my attention was the fact that some companies, like Polaris World that advertise on television, have made golf the real focal point.
I was trying to play a game of golf at my local course recently, and it wasn’t easy. We’d had a lot of rain lately – which isn’t surprising, it’s what we’re known for here. The problem was that the whole course was so waterlogged that I was seriously considering trading in my golf cart for a dinghy. Rowing across to the eighth whilst waving a cheery greeting to some poor soul who’s stranded on the edge of a bunker and looks very much as though he’s Man Friday is not the traditional or preferred style of playing golf. If I liked getting wet I’d have taken up swimming and if I enjoyed getting muddy I’d have taken up rugby.
So with the weather here so dismal, the idea of having nine brand new golf courses all designed by the world’s top golfer, all located together somewhere where it rains sunshine and the only pouring that happens is a glass of Sangria at the nineteenth. I have never considered buying overseas property because of the hassle, but then, thinking about the hassle of coping with the everyday gloom and access to just one or two local golf courses here, upping sticks and taking the plunge just once to benefit from a lifetime of endless golf and warm weather is incredibly tempting. What’s even more tempting is that I hear they’re now offering free trips over there so that you can experience it for yourself. The idea of a weekend in one of these resorts, playing a free round of golf on one of Jack Nicklaus’ designs is something that makes me wonder whether I could become the neighbour that gets the envied looks.
One of the things that has surprised me most recently is the price of these overseas property. I always imagine that they were really expensive, especially when you consider the added bonuses like the scenery, the quiet, the views, the weather and the nine golf courses. Yet when I saw the prices advertised, I could afford to sell my house here and buy a really classy villa over there with its own pool, views and more golf than I could shake a stick at.
I know that the idea of moving there sounds too much like hassle, but then I keep looking out of my window at the gloom and grey, and think about how I get up in the morning. You know, I don’t even bother to open the curtains sometimes. There’s nothing much to look at except grey skies, gloomy faces and the rain dripping off the gutters onto the muddy patch that I laughably refer to as my garden. But I have an image in my head of how I would feel waking up in my own villa in Spain. From one window I would be able to look across at the ponderous mountains as they yawn their way towards the purple haze of the horizon, and in the other direction I would watch the yachts skip across the cheerful blue ocean. Apparently the sea is blue over there – imagine that, clear blue water on your doorstep that doesn’t mean you’ve been flooded.
I’m certainly very tempted to consider the idea of a free trip – after all, I have nothing to lose. I may even find that the more clement weather improves my golfing game. Perhaps I may even meet old Jack and challenge him to a round. The only thing that puts me off is the hassle, but then, it’s only once, and the satisfaction of having made it will be more than worth it. The adverts are certainly targeting this country a great deal, and it sounds as though they know what they’re doing. Like many people, I work from home which means that relocating means little more than moving all my gear. Except for my winter clothes; I won’t need them any more of course!
| Golf